Even now, I go for months without posting anything sometimes. And by far the most popular essay I ever put up wasn't even my own writing. In 2006, I invited a marine biologist friend of mine to comment on the biology of tentacle porn, and a few weeks later he sent me A Brief Essay on the Sad Lack of Imagination in Invertebrate Oriented Erotica with Brief Notes on the Lascivious Nature of Both the Lophotrochozoa and Ecdysozoa, or, Getting Beyond 'Hur hur! That Squid Tentacle Looks like Penis!' , which drew a great deal of attention, eventually being featured on BoingBoing and ErosBlog, among other places.
Here's a little sample:
Takinga brief stroll over to class gastropoda, the snails, there are a few possibilities that are not too much of a stretch for the tentacularly fixated. Namely, most snails have antennae. And not only do they have very tentacle like antennae indeed, but they are laden with sensory structures! How perfect! Go, look at a snail or limpet (whose suction ability ought not to be ignored), and examine the waving lubricated little appendages. There! It may not be truly original, but it's something. Or, you have the possibilities of a mutant nudibranch, its phallic cirri waving in the air, filled with goo sequestered from consuming some amour inducing plant. Of course, class gastropoda also adds one quite kinky opther possibility. As a crotchety old paleontologist once told me, regarding gastropod torsion (as can be seen in any volume of Brusca and Brusca), "To be a gastropod is to shit on one's head." For those of you who are in to that sort of thing, I hope I have provided some good fodder for new texts.
Balan's article also served to pique my own interest in the bizarre world of invertebrate nookie, and I've learned some amazing things about the sex lives of leopard slugs and flatworms since then. Ontological Engine features a trio of amorous flying geoduck clams--named Hubert, Dewey, and Louise--whose unusual sexual proclivities are partially the product of my own fevered mind and partially inspired by my conversations with Dr. Nusnubilis.
For this chat, I've persuaded the good doctor to acquire a LiveJournal account of his own, so dr_nusnubilus is available this weekend to answer all your nagging little questions about sex with gastropods, cephalopods, nudibranches, and lophotrochozoans. Post your questions here, and he will address them to the best of his formidable ability. Because, you know, internet porn isn't weird enough yet.